So, last Star Wars game I got into it badly with Grifth. They had gone to 'Paige Maximum Security Orphanage' a place where force sensitive children can grow and learn and be safe. And its not Maximum Security to keep the kids in, no no, its Maximum Security to keep everyone else OUT. So after Verbally Bitch-Slapping the NUN who runs it(Yes, A nun. Now, I'll be the first to tell you, Nuns are nasty and mean..But there are a few who are nice, and she was one of em. Anyway..) him and his two lackies go and investigate it. They find out in CERTAIN PARTS the force is dimmed, so the children cant use it against the staff and the security gaurds carry tazers. So his dumb ass comes to the conclusion "Uh duuuuurr. This place is making these kids worse. The gaurds are here to tazer any kid who says something the least out of place. DUUUUURR"

Well. This pissed me off. So I proceed to tell him what happened in my school..Southern..The school that is ranked THE worst school in Philly for three years! I told him how this kid ducked into the classroom at lunch time(I ate lunch with my teachers cause the kids made fun of me so bad when I went to the lunch room..so they took pitty on me.) and hid in the back of the class..Under Miss Butts desk which, unfortunately was next to mine. So these three kids Burst into the room after picking Miss D up and placing her to the side(The one noble thing these kids did) and ran towards the back and proceeded to beat on this kid. Whith the Wooden Chair, Their Feet, a fan(That I bought for our class) and my own metal desk, (Which they pushed me out of and in the process hit me with my own desk, the floor and the fan). This kid was so beat up, he needed plastic surgery. And Grifth blows me off like Im some nut case. This is when Proctain chimed in with 'Yes, kids are that mean. If they think they can get the upper hand they -WILL-' cause he went to schools just as bad as mine. But no, Grifths like "Yeah right. Cause Collenbine was SOOOOO normal. Oh wait, it WASNT!" I wanted to beat his ass but I refrained. I just bit myself so hard I left a scar.


And now, Grifth is gonna wanna go into the future..Where he most likely knows that my char that I have now wont follow his ass cause I hate him..Well, I made a new char, for when he goes. Jakira's however many great grandchild, who inherits EVERYTHING Jakira owns..Her library ship the Emot, her toy shop, her fashion line and her publishing house. Squee. Fucking with Grifth ish fun.

So came back from Philly on the second. Didnt feel all that great but meh, I normally dont after flying. Had a cold for my birthday, what fun that was. And have basically been sick since. I either caught some of my moms pneumonia or just got a cold....I wish I didnt I hate colds. But atleast here in CO I dont get the whole sinus pressure that makes me feel like my heads gonna explode. Proctain was sick for a while but got over it. Lucky him. I have 4 commishes I have to do but I feel so sick I dont want to. Maybe they'll understand that theyre a little late. Meh.
Also havent been sleeping well due to cold and nightmares. Least my nightmares are changing themselves up again. Not the same one over and over again. Yay for new ways to scare the shit out of me! Anyway...Gotta get back on WoW soon >.>...I miss my priestie T_T

Anyway, STARWARS GAME TONIGHT! So I scurry off now. Love you all! *dies and gets dragged off to the game by proctain.*

So, since the second week Ive been here in CO Ive been having nightmares. Most dont make sence and I can usually go back to sleep afterwards. But lately Ive been having this dream..

My mom takes me to my grandmothers house. But..Its really not. Its on my old street, with stairs like my Uncle Mike used to have and the inside of my grandmoms -OLD- old house, before she remodeled it the first time.. Anyway, its new years or something, and everyones there. So we count down and we all head outside to dance in the street like normal..well..this white car pulls up and out comes my dad. He looks kinda the same, only he has a beard. And Im like "Oh my god! DADDY! *hugs*" and hes all happy to see me. He explains he was in Witness Protection for some reason, cant remember that, but we go about the night fine..Then dad notices my braces and goes 'So what are those for?' and Im like "Well, I have CIDP" "...Is that some new form of crack addiction?" XD Yes, I know, comic relief in a nightmare. Anyway. I explain to him what it is and he gets this..heart wrenching horrible look of dissappointment on his face. And he starts mumbling..He then grabs my wrist roughly and starts dragging me..He takes me to his car and tries to get me to go in, but I cant see the inside, all it is is a bright light. And I would probably go in if not for the fact touching it BURNS. So I struggle to get away and after getting away and falling on the curb my father turns around and he looks like the crypt keeper/the girl from the ring and gets on his hands and feet and runs at me super fast(Which, for some reason, I am scared shitless of anyone who can do that.)

Thats when I wake up..after I get done screaming. Thankfully I dont scream out loud, only in my dream..But poor Proctain. Constantly waking him up in a panic..And sometimes the dream repeats itself when I fall back asleep.

Mrew *curls up but doesnt fall asleep*

Now, everyone who actually knows me knows I *SUCK* at math, like, badly. I can multiply, like the most basic of multiplication, but after that its like '*3 hours later gives the wrong answer*'. And because I suck at math Ive always dreaded pencil and paper RPGs like DnD. However, dispite all that, Proctain has dragged me to his Star Wars *Gagcoughhack* Game every tuesday for the past 3 weeks. And, as much as I hate to admit it, it has be so much fun! Since Ive taken an intrest in the pencil and paper RPGs hes now shown me an awesome RPG called Exhalted. Ive read a little of it, but as far as Ive read Ive enjoyed it. Now if only we can find someone to run a game XD. My favorite part about it is that its furry friendly. The people are called Lunars. They have an animal form, and a human form...and a fighting form which is a mix of the two. And guess who Im gonna have as a Lunar? Thats right MORRON! Oops I mean Murron X3. Only thing, it seems, I have to add on her is some tattoos, like flowing Celtic tattoos according to Proctain. But YAY! Im gonna have fun with that when we finally have a game X3.

Well, we got a call from the people at the apartment we wanted to rent. Apparently we dont have good enough credit to get the place. We may ask his sister to help..and if worst comes to worst I'll beg my uncle to help. We'll see. Right now Im just upset, cause my mom is trying to get me to go back home, and if we dont find a place by halloween..I just may have to go home.. *sigh*

So Im staying out here in Colorado! Squee! Mom said it was alright and Im actually very happy to be here, its so lovely and the people here arent like the people in philly.

...Okay, let me explain.

In philly you walk down the street with your braces and cane and they think one of two things. A)"Shes crippled..I wonder what she has." or B)"Shes so fat she cant even walk by herself." And none of them filter things before it comes out of their mouths. So I get bombarded with questions "What do you have?" "What caused it?" "Is it because youre so fat your muscles just gave way?" and Im personally sick of feeling like shit cause people dont have the common sense to keep their mouths shut and walk on by.

Here in Boulder, this is not the case. Everyone is really nice and not ONE person has asked me what do I have and why. And this makes me happy as can be. I dont have to pull out the pamphlet I made on CIDP and show people about it, all I have to do is walk by and be happy while clinging to proctain. So I is happy priestie X3
Now to brow beat proctain into watching Black Blood Brothers with me.

EDIT: Turns out I got my facts twisted up. Todd explained that it wasnt my fault and begged me to reconcider moving here, which I have and am going to. I totally need to write stuff when I have ALL the facts. Meh. But either way, it was how I was feeling at that moment so I wrote it down. Better out than in. X3




Not even at proctain's a day and already I fucked up. Not going into details but its big..HUGE even..I mean, hes still friendly towards me and all..but I believe hes like 'Fuck, now how do I get rid of her without being a jerk?' and I dont blame him! God, why did I have to come out here? XD

Least now we saw what we're like together and not gonna move in together. Guess thats better than actually coming here and moving in and being like "Well..shit."

Anyway, gonna finish out the duration of my trip, I do not feel like getting a ticket back to philly so soon after I just had a 4 hour flight here. Heres to hoping I dont fuck up more.

So, going to visit proctain on Monday, and I cant seem to get my stomach to stop twisting. We were gonna wait til near halloween, but I wanna go there first, see if I like it there before moving. I think I'll like it, but we'll see. I just hope he likes me XD. We've seen eachother over webcam a few times, but I think hes gonna take one look at me and go "So uh..you the female reincarnation of Jaba the hut?" XD Or something to that effect. Meh.



Also, I think I found a religion I can stomach. Hinduism. Im not well versed on how exactly it is..but from what I read it has gods and goddesses who cant seem to work without one another. Like the woman needs the man, and vice versa, to keep their balance. My big quarrel with most religions is that the men are the revered ones because they resemble the 'god' who made them, who was a male. Which, I think is sexist.

I was born and raised Christian..Roman Catholic to be exact. I see how people can follow the religion..My big thing was when I was young, I wanted to be a priest..not a nun, a priest, so I can spread the word. When I asked a priest about how I do that he laughed at me and said "Women can not be priests, only men can spread the word of god." When I asked why, his response was "Men are created in gods image. They are most like god and that is why men spread the word..Women were made to keep man company."
...
You can imagine how hurt I was. But I kept believing til my father died..and then kinda followed in his footsteps, questioning things about the religion.

And Jehova Witness, like Torn and Tenki are, OUT OF THE QUESTION! Not even up for discussion. And the thing that turned me away from that was, Torn and I were talking about it. He was saying how I do things already in their book. He was like "The only thing you dont do is believe." and well, I dont..So then we stray from that and talk about marriage. And he goes "We men can marry outside of our religion, as long as the woman converts. A woman who converts is like a gem in our community."
...Wait, what? Okay..but for example if I were a christian and I were to marry you..I couldnt be a christian anymore?
"Nope."
But..then why do I have to convert if you wont and that means if I dont convert you wont marry me?
"We dont have to. It is the woman who shall convert for the man, not the other way around. And yes, I could not marry you if you wont convert for me."
....needless to say I wanted to tear his head off and shove it up his ass. WTF!? Really? If we dont convert you wont marry us? Even if we are 'Soulmates'? *Grumblegrumbleassholegrumble*

But Hinduism seems tolerable. I would convert to Buddhism but Im all for a violent video game or a yelling debate XD Im Italian, its what we do!



But yes..Now I must calm myself down for monday...*draws...or something*

I am on the first floor of my house. Im scared enough to sleep as it is with the front door and back door so close and no door to my 'room' to lock. So, Im not allowed to lock the front door OR the back door if my mother decides to stay out past 11pm..I am not going to sleep for days at a time..and then I will pass out from exhaustion and restart the process when my body decides to work. So, if I seem grouchy or giggly or crazy..dont mind me. I will just be slowly losing my mind. And I already told my mom dont talk to me when she drinks, which, according to her asshole doctor she can have 2 alcoholic beverages per night, every fucking night. If she does speak to me, Im not going to answer, which will probably get me beat.
OH! And the bed and wheelchair that my insurance 'bought' for me, turns out to only be rentals. And since I dont have any more insurance because of the fucking goverment, I now can not afford to keep these and am no screwed over for a bed. Not like I ever used the wheelchair but the bed was nice. So yay, I will soon have no bed and have to sleep..oops sorry, I mean pass out, on the couch. My back is going to be so fucked up. Atleast I have the bathroom on the firstfloor now.
I am going to also be crying alot..yay for me. So if you start talking to me, dont worry if I just stop.

Other than that, everything is peachy. Torn moved out and now I get to deal with my drunkard of a mother. If I had the money to get my own place and KEEP it, I totally would. But alas, such is life. And besides, I have to stay here now until mom is 'better' because grandmom said so. Lucky her that she gets to live 13 blocks away from my mother and doesnt have to deal with her drunk ass everyday. Im really starting to HATE my family.

So, my self esteeme is now at -50...Why? I worked on a picture for Proctain for 3 days. 3 long, hand breaking days..and I finally got the colors right, I even SHADED *gasps* and HIGHLIGHTED *double gasp!* because he had to have his highlights and what're highlights without shading hmm? So after all that crap, after working my fingers to the bone..he turns around and says 'Its good hun..but I just like other artists work more.'

.......

I swear, after all the times Ive had my heart broken by some loser who doesnt know what he wants yet, I thought my heart had broke in all the ways possible..Turns out there was one more! I swear it shattered into those tiny peices you cant really be sure you got all of em..and now I have to pick each and every peice up and paste it back together. So I dont think I will be drawing for a few weeks while I nurse my ego back to -10.

ALSO Mommy may be coming home soon. Yippie */sarcasim* And I have ground rules to follow while shes home! I am not allowed to: Curse at her, tell her what to do, get mad at her, and I have to smile and be bubbly and happy and be chipper! And yet, she gets to: Curse at me , hit me, beat me, yell at me, be bitchy and be an absolute cunt to me. BUT I cant do anything because anything can set her back off..AND I cant move til she is 100% better.

....PFFFT! HA! Like Im gonna stay THAT long. As soon as Proctain gets a place Im GONE! Fuck if shes better or worse. Only people I'll actually miss are my grandmom, Ariyana, baby marty, Uncle Johny, Aunt Donna, Uncle Mike, Aunt Joanie, Danny, Jen, Uncle David, Uncle Marty and Aunt Ann. Thats it! Everyone else can go rot for all I care.

I dont care if its a bad move to move away from all the family Ive ever known, I dont care if they think Im stupid and cant make it on my own. Im sure as hell gonna try. NONE of them have gone through what Ive gone through with my mother. Not one. And they expect me to be the good little girl and take care of mommy? Fuck them and fuck her. ESPECIALLY HER!


In other news. Torn has a job! Technically. So yay. My only problem with him, is that he keeps missing school. He goes to community college 3 times a week..Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday..AND he went twice durring these 3 weeks! Hes all like 'Pfft, I aint gonna be kicked out, I can come and go as I please, its community college, they cant kick me out.' OH yes they can. My cousin was..AND he didnt get refunded his money. Im gonna sit back and laugh my ass off when he gets kicked out of school and hes like 'But..But..I payed for this!' And you flunked out by not going! Meh...

...I think Im turning Bitter in my old age. 20 going on 90 XD.

Okay, if it wasnt for the fact Torn is like a brother to me and has absolutely no place to go, I would have kicked him out the second night he was here.

Not because I get absolutely no privacy/silence for Phone calls or typing to friends online..(Sept when hes in the shower/sleeping/in school(Tues-Thurs only)

Not because He keeps everything so loud my neighbors can hear it and our ear drums are close to exploding.

Not because I get no peace even when hes online searching for a job or playing WoW cause he CANT FUCKING READ!

No, Its not because of any of that..

Its because he has changed my house completely upside down. He rearranged the fridge, cabinates, and freezer. All the plates are on top on the fridge where, unless Im having a good day, I cant get one..And because I feel so damn uncomfortable in my own house..Scared if I move something He'll freak on me. What..the..Fuck.

PLUS his brother has a bottomless stomach. We have barely enough food to last us the rest of the month, but his brother eats boxes of things at a time. And hes gonna come over every damn weekend.

*Head Desk and whimpers* Me and my big fucking 'Oh youre having problems with your dad? Dont want you upset..SURE you can stay here!' mouth.

I pray mom gets better and gets out of the hospital soon. Just so she can tell him 'my daughter is an idoit and didnt think before speaking..get out.'

*Goes and..well..waits for Torn to decide what hes doing so she can do the opposite.*

Welp, mommy is in the hospital again. Dunno where yet, I'll find that out in the morning. AND MORE GOOD NEWS! Torn's father kicked him out, so he is now living with me..So Im glad Proctain hasnt found a place yet..or else Torn would have no where else to turn.. Well, I guess this is good practice for when I move in with Proctain, when he actually finds a place..meh.

I shall be on WoW while mom is off her meds, beings she has taken them and I have no clue where they are. So, if you need me:

Setinals

Kabii-Priest
Ahniist-DK
Eema-Druid
Zapada-Shaman
Sunil-Warlock
Thimba-Hunter
Yaritza-Paladin
Coye-Rogue
Portael-Mage

Alliance
Wysteriia-rogue

I swear, I never thought Id see the day Id have to bodily put my mother to bed. She is about 13 in this mental state, acting like the preppy bitches who disobey their parents all because thats the cool thing to do. She lays in bed then bangs on the wall and kicks the wall and the bed, making so much fucking noise, I dont know how Sissy or Jon sleep. I just came down from physically holding her down, which, let me tell you, is no easy feat even for someone of full strength. I just can not believe she is doing this to us again. My grandmother wont even come around to sit with me because my mother is pissed at her for sending her to the hospital. If anyone should be mental, its Uncle Dave, Grandmom, Uncle Johny/Aunt Donna, Sissy and I..because we're the ones who get the full blade of this shit.

Uncle Dave because he has to make sure she doesnt spend her money foolishly, and make sure her bills are paid, with her own money mind you, but still. Hes a lawyer and has lots of work to do, he doesnt have time to piss let alone take care of my mothers finances.

My Grandmother because what parent feels good watching their child be a total bitch to everyone around em? I mean, It's unbelievable, I couldnt even imagine watching my child go through this, and she does it every year or so.

Uncle Johny/Aunt Donna because they're my godparents. Since dad died Uncle Johnny is my father, in the eyes of the church. He takes care of me like I was his very own daughter..and when mom goes off like this, Aunt Donna takes over as my mom basically. And they have 2 girls of their own, they dont have the time to take care of me.

Sissy because she has lived next door to us ever since I was born. Every time mom goes through this Sissy is here trying to make her see shes wrong and such and mom gets pissed at her for it. PLUS she gets kept up all night with moms banging and yelling.

And Me, for obvious reasons. Every one only has to deal with her temporarily, I am stuck in this god forsaken house with this bitch 24/7..And I HATE becoming the parent more than the daughter.

We just have to wait til someone up the street calls the cops. Because Sissy called today, mom was throwing things out the window and banging and dancing in the street in nothing but a night gown, with no panties on. So, I get mom inside, and the cops come 2 minutes later, and just DRIVE THE FUCK BY! Dont even stop..

Some days I want to get a gun and shoot myself..other days I want to make it painful and long lasting because it would still be better than the shit Im going through now..


But then I think of my grandmother and aunts and uncles and cousins who will be hurt, even if its only because they lost a family member...

Fuck...


Don't mind this, just venting. Makes me feel better, actually.


PS: I am NEVER having kids now. The last thing I need is a chance my kid could turn out like my mom..And ask anyone who knows me, Ive wanted kids since as long as I could remember...Amazing how little it takes to beat down ones soul to the point the thing youve wanted your ENTIRE life can make your stomach turn at the thought.

And to think it would feel way better than this hell..
My mom is home from the hospital. Got home yesterday..And I am stuck watching her like a hawk. I have so many damn things to do and yet I cant do them because she's acting like a 5 year old who gets into EVERYTHING! I was finally on a good sleep schedule, I slept durring the night, ZOMG, and being up durring the day. But, with mom home I cant sleep at night because I need to make sure she stays in..AND to make matters worse, I went to bed at 9 this morning. I was having a nightmare but still an interesting dream..it kept me from waking myself up..and all of the sudden I hear my mom on the phone, and she shakes me.."Kel, are you alright?"..I told her I was fine, but I was sleeping and the next thing I hear was "Yes, hi, my daughter is having a miscarriage!" ....WTF!?
Of course I was still half asleep so Im trying to get her off the phone..this goes on for two minutes and she stops talking..I fell right back asleep, figuring it was part of a dream. I dunno how much longer it was, all I know was it was 11, the door is being pounded on and someone comes in saying "Is anyone here?" and Im being woken up by the sound of a mans voice and it scares the shit out of me so my hearts pounding and I look at him like "What who where!?" and hes like "Fire Department Ma'am. We heard someones having a miscarriage."
*Pulls out her fucking hair* OH MY GOD! Are you fucking serious?! So I tell them no, Im not pregnant.."Is your mom pregnant?" Not to my knowledge..."Are you sure youre not pregnant?" ....Unless its through immaculate conception then NO! I told them exactly that and I told them my mom was mentally ill. Now I know shes sick and not in her right mind, but she just fucking Damned our house. What if the next time something bad does happen here? They'll think twice before coming. What if I fall and cant get up? Im the one whos screwed, not her.
*Sighs* Fucking doctors. I HATE them. They sent her home when people are telling them she isnt better yet, because we've been through this with her more times than them, AND they said they're sending her home with a weeks worth of medicine? Sure, ONCE SHE TAKES IT TO A PHARMACY TO GET IT FILLED! What fucking mental patient takes their own perscriptions to the pharmacy to get filled? NONE! Because they think the medicine wont do anything for them! And because I was so rudely awakened, I cant do it because my muscles are like "Well, Bitch, youre screwed for the rest of the day!"
I swear, if I didnt hate the taste of alcohol..Id be drinking it like a fish right now..*Curls up, growling at anyone who comes close*

Been watching Ace of Cakes, found it when I was up at Aunt Donna and Uncle Johnny's house. The cakes these people make are AMAZING! And the only thing that makes me angry when watching is that my mom had told me unless you have a mold for the cake it cant be molded into anything else, which is a bunch of bull according to this show. They have made a beaver cake, a fortune cookie cake, an EAR cake(Yes, a cake shaped as an ear), a helmet that looks like it should be in the museum and the list just goes on! And they cut it mold it, and it looks fantastic! I've even learned a few tricks while watching. Now I wish my gas was on so I could bake XD.

I may do that as a side job when I move out of here..Id do it here if I had the gas on...and if I wouldn't be competition for Cubby. But that would be so awesome to do ontop of nails.
Another thing, if I move to Colorado I wont be able to work in a salon beings CO doesn't have a reciprocal license policy with other states..Which means Id have to either go back to school/find a school out there that lets me just study nails and not the full on cosmetology course(Only reason empire let me was because My mom, grandmom and Aunt Rita are hairdressers and Aunt Rita has a teaching license and they were able to find the loop holes I had needed to just take nails.). Plus, I don't have another 3000 dollars to take the course/the 75 to take the state boards. So..Im most likely gonna have to find a job Im good at, which is limited because I don't have training to be a secretary(I know how to type and do few things in word, but that's not enough apparently) and I doubt people need file clerks/stocking girls. And I will NEVER be a cashier because I SUCK at handling money, with my luck I'll always be short some money..But I shall cross that bridge when I get there. Been looking for places around here too..But I cant get one because I dont know anyone to move in with XD Which totally sucks. Oh well.

KABII IS LEVEL 30! Got her horse, thanks to my DK Ahniist. Now to keep leveling! I may start leveling my Warlock/Druid/Shaman though before I take Kabii further. Dunno yet.



CAKE OR DEATH! (Gotta love Eddie Izzard X3)

So, I just got finished watching the Skeleton Key. I swear, best semi-horror/drama EVER! All the movies I watch that are semi-horror/drama or even full on Horror always piss me off with the Happy Butterfly Field Endings. The Skeleton Key was delightfully dark at the end. A wonderful ending to a wonderful movie. And I only jumped once! XD

Also, just turned on SVU XD They found a kids lunch box with a 40 year old twinkie inside. I love how Fin dares Munch to take a bite XD Id so do it if he gave me 40 bucks.

Tis all for now, I suppose.

Ribbons and Bows <3


OH! On FA they opened up a Pokemon StarRanger academy, kinda like a summer camp for the Pokemon Combat Academy. I think I'm take Mythii from her team for the PCA academy, disband the team and just send her off to the PSR if they allow home schooled students to go. Already drew her in her PSR outfit, so I hope they do..



I like how she turned out..gotta tune out her backstory now beings shes no longer the glue that binds Team TSEU together.

You know, I've been living alone for about a week now and it's not as bad as I thought it would be. I mean I am afraid, I can't really sleep, and I can't do much around the house cause it feels as if I'm getting worse again (and I was so looking forward to being better, meh.) but it isn't all that bad, least it's quiet, but I still want to move away from here. No way I'd ever get an actual place on my own though, so hopefully Proctain can find a place soon..*sighs*

I have that damn wedding this Saturday, I so do not want to go, specially cause of my braces. All of my family has seen them but Jamie's family is all rich and prissy, I just don't want any of them to stare. Maybe, hopefully, I won't be able to go..Maybe my muscles will crap out on me. XD Only damn good thing about this is that I don't have to go to most family functions.

Got to drawing again. Not all that well, but somewhat. My hand hurts, but my muse seems to have come back, so fuck my hand, I'm drawing XD


Ribbons and Bows <3

I have been going over and over in my head how I could have spotted my moms illness sooner. I've been through this so many times, as soon as I see the symptoms I should be able to go 'Oh shit!' but I didn't. I realize now that there is no way to truly be sure if someone is going off the deep end til it slaps you in the face. Well, cept for the drinking, but nieve little ol me actually believed that she was taking them to her friends and not downing them herself. But I guess I didn't see it cause I act the same way..

When mom gets sick, she starts dreaming up these unreachable goals. Remodeling the house is one. How she wants a sky light in the front room and to turn the backroom into a kitchen/living room. But it don't click shes actually sick because I have mentioned how cool it would be to do those things! I go 'Oh my god! She finally understands! YES!' In my mind shes finally getting me. And I jump all over that and edge her on because I do NOT fit in with my family. I'm the black sheep only because I'm shy and I like Asian cultures and such. My mom and I have always gotten along, I think she realizes I'm different and doesn't want me to feel that way. But that makes me think two things...

One: Did I make mom this way by being so different she had to twist herself so much she snapped?

OR

Two: Am I really the insane one?

I mean, Its not all that far-fetched, if you really think about it. Mom is labeled insane for dreaming big, drinking, and expressing herself. I dream big and hold everything in, everyone/everything says if you hold things in you're just a ticking time bomb, so that's worse than how mom is. I still think its the first one, personally. Cause I still know right from wrong, I know if I was sick I should take the medicine as to not hurt anyone...I don't know anymore.

Now, pardon me. I have to go make something to eat and PRAY I don't burn it/make another dish break/burn myself XD

~Ribbons and Bows

OH! PS: I sooo wanna start a Furry/Gay meet in Philly. The "Fuck the World! We Are Who We Are!" Meet XD Dude. Furries and Gays living in harmony! X3 It would be perfect!